Simple Disciplines, Current Reads, Life.
03.29.23 A little glimpse into my world these days
Today I’m bringing a more personal blog-style newsletter so I can talk about all the things. It still bewilders me how foggy I feel when I write. Yet somehow, the words still appear. It’s actually a good metaphor for how I feel most days.
I’m still in the new-mom, first-year “fog” but the days are moving fairly smoothly. Still breastfeeding, still nursing every 2-3 hours (including nights) but we have fallen into a rhythm. Mila changes rapidly each day and right now she is learning to crawl, pull-to-stand, wave, babble, squeal, and be very vocal about her preferences.
I’m also finding more chunks for myself to write, connect with my community, run errands, and simply breathe. As for how I feel, it can be a rollercoaster; some days I am euphoric, and other days I feel blah. Today is one of the latter and I know the incessant rain isn’t helping.
I’m realizing how much getting out of the house helps me. When I tried writing at home, my mind stayed glued to what I should buy for the home, how I should think about infant sleep, what Mila is doing, etc. Even with childcare for a good chunk of the week (a blessing indeed), I still feel on mom duty.
So even in this dreary weather where all I want to do is curl up in a ball under the covers (which, let’s be honest, hardly happens these days), I drove to the local Peet’s coffee to finally be able to put words on paper. The change of scenery is exactly what my brain needed to create.
On blah days like these, I try to commit to 3 simple tasks:
1) Get out of the house. Even if it’s just to pick up a cup of coffee or a walk around the neighborhood. It helps me get out of my little bubble and connect to the larger world around me.
2) Write for 15 minutes. I’ve resisted having a discipline around writing but it’s is one of those things that just doesn’t happen naturally if don’t create space for it.
3) Movement: Similar to writing, movement (walking, dancing, exercise) is also one of those activities I know helps but also resist if I’m not intentional. Movement is key in helping me regulate my nervous system and get back into my body and out of my head.
And today, I’ve already checked off two on this list! Woohoo.
All right, there is still so much to say but I don’t know where to go with it! I’ll begin by sharing my current reads will give a sense of where my mental and emotional energy is going these days.
Currently reading (yes — I read 4 books at a time):
The Erotic Stories of Punjabi Widows – getting through this one veryyy slowly but there are some days where I just want a read to escape.
Sweet Sleep by La Leche League – this book is one of the first books (or articles, blogs, etc.) I’ve read on infant sleep that actually helps me relax a little. I may not agree with every single word but it allows sleep to be something you surrender to, rather than fix or control.
Maternal Desire – oooh this one really makes you think and feel deeply. The writing can be a bit academic/intellectual but there are moments where it hits the heart, the tender parts of motherhood (and the tension that comes with it).
The Highly Sensitive Parent - I should have read this book (or any book on HSPs) way earlier. So much guilt and shame released by being able to understand my nervous system and what I need to feel whole.
All right, my laptop is about to die so I’m going to take that as a sign to wrap this up. It feels a bit incomplete as I feel like there is so much more to share, but it feels right to titrate my shares. There are so many layers to the experience of motherhood.
Until next time,
Akansha