On commitment, deep rest, and tender care.

What I'm feeling this week 09.21.23

When I began writing again on Substack, I quietly committed to sharing something once a week. In the past, this sort of discipline would mean I try really hard to stick to deadlines and “make things happen.” There was an air of perfection and pressure.

But now, this commitment is actually doing the opposite. My committment to writing once a week is inviting to me show up as I am. Meaning, there is less efforting given to the process. I just share whatever feels right at the moment. There is more flexibility and permission.

So that’s what’s happening today. I have a few drafts that I thought I’d be working on but I just don’t have the mental capacity for that. Maybe because I’m on my bleed, and that’s requiring me to bring in a whole different kind of energy.

Being on your period while mothering a young toddler is a whole different kind of ballgame. I feel like hormones are flying in all different directions from the broken sleep, breastfeeding, and then, of course, the cycle itself. I am so glad I have support during the day otherwise, I don’t know what I’d do to get through the days (maybe more screen time for my daughter? Who knows). 

But oof, I am needing some deep rest, raspberry leaf tea, and a slower pace. I generally feel like I need a slower pace than the societal norm and then, during this time of the month, I dial it down even more. I’ve been judgemental of my pace many times (and to be honest, so have others) so it’s been a process of reclaiming my rhythm. I know its the same part of me that judges the Feminine still.

Though one thing that has helped me make more space for this, is learning more about the Yin/Yang energies in the parent/child dynamic.

Recently, I’ve learned that kids (especially young ones) have a lot of Yang energy meaning they are moving fast, loud, and so energetic/lively. That means as parents, we have to hold the Yin in the dynamic: slower, quieter, and more still to help ground not only our child but ourselves. 

I can feel this Yang energy with Mila. She is a little firecracker who is always talking, walking, and exploring. I love it, but I also know that if she doesn’t get support to regulate and slow down, we are heading straight into a meltdown.

But when she’s close to my body in a baby carrier, I can feel the shift in her nervous system. As we walk outside, all of a sudden she becomes quieter, more observant (that is until she sees an airplane and yells “crow!). Her energy calms down and I hear the her signature sigh (it’s like two mini sniffle inhales and then an exhale).

sniffsniff.

Ahhhh.

I can feel her ground as I hold that energy within me.

It feels so wholesome.

I think that’s what we all need at times.

Someone to hold us close.

A quiet walk in nature.

Space to breathe.

Deep, tender, care.

It’s a vulnerable thing to as for tender care as an Mother, but we really need it as much as our babies. Especially when we are so thick into the hands-on caregiving season of our lives.

A mentor told me once “Mothers need to be mothered too”.

And I really feel that right now.